Hint: It was Zell
by cognomen
Summary: Seifer ponders the conundrum of gag gifts.


Someone, in some vague attempt to be either funny or downright hilarious, had sent Seifer a box. It was clearly labeled, well wrapped. It even had a little ribbon bow taped on right next to the 'Almassy' penned on in flowery script. It was almost gift-giving season, so he'd thought almost nothing of recieving a gift until he'd opened it. Underneath all the careful preperations was 'the maninator'. It was, of all things, a strap-on.

Really, the medium sized package should have clued him in. It wasn't anything large, like a microwave. Or anything small enough to be some sort of trinket from one of his students. Though that didn't rule them out as suspects - he remembered playing simmilar jokes on his teachers. Now that he taught his own class, he felt less inclined to play silly jokes.

It was drawing close to the end of his first year as a teacher - Garden had hired him back on to teach promising young students the fine art of Gunblade combat. Not that many chose to specialize in this difficult weapon, reguardless, he had a respectable class of five. That was three more specialists than in his graduating class.

Seifer examined the card that had accompanied it, it read 'For a dick.' The handwriting was carefully uniform. He tapped the edge on the table he was seated at, the edge of the carstock making sharp noises in the silence as he considered. Who could have slipped it into his box without arousing suspicion? One of the other teachers? Trepe, maybe. But someone would have noticed, drawn conclusions.

There would be -rumors- at this point, if she'd been seen sticking a present into his teacher's box. The edge of the card dented on the table from the force of his tapping, and suddenly, he realized there was a noise of the catch on the door to his quarters opening. He dove across the table, shoving the box onto the floor. Unfortunately, his brilliant tactic for evidence removal didn't entirely work.

"SEIFER?"

Shit, Fujin. 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She was carrying two paper bags that appeared to be the groceries for the week. Seifer rolled an eye back at her from where he was sprawled across the table, but he didn't move, hiding the wrapping paper under his body. He drew his arms in to his sides and made a feeble attempt at a cough.

"Don't - don't feel well, Fuu." She wasn't, in the least, convinced. She set the groceries down on the table, took one glove off, and pressed her hand to Seifer's forhead. Seifer thought hot things. It didn't work.

"YOU FEEL FINE. HELP ME PUT THE GROCERIES AWAY." Fujin grabbed an armful and started around the table - right in the direction of the flung contraband.

Seifer lunged for her, scattering the wrapping paper in the opposite direction, the card sailing the furthest, making a papery impact sound on the wall somewhere behind him as he caught her around the waist.

"No, I mean it, Fuu." He held on tightly, when she struggled. "I think you should take me to the nurse!" Her attention went down to him, then suddenly to the wrapping paper that he'd scattered behind him.

"SEIFER, IF YOU DON'T LET GO, I AM GOING TO BRAIN YOU WITH THE JUICE." She looked like she meant it, too.

Raijin, arriving with the next lode of groceries, utterly spoiled his plan. Whatever was left of his plan.

"Hey, boss, where'dya want these leeks?" Spotting Seifer and Fujin locked together, he tried an alternate way around the kitchen table. Seifer didn't have enough time to lunge for him, before his foot struck the box, sending it careening into the middle of the floor. "Oops! What'd I hit?"

Seifer watched, hopelessly, as the revealed Maninator spiraled into the center of the floor, two and a half sets of eyes watching it spin to a halt. A horrorified silence fell over the room. Tenatively, Seifer let go of Fujin, who had stiftened up.

"NOT FUNNY." She slammed the juice down on the kitchen table, and stormed out of the room. Seifer gathered later that she had misinterpreted his attempt to hide it as an indication that the gift was, in fact, for her, and not something that he had recieved.

Fujin didn't speak to him for two weeks. Raijin couldn't look at him without laughing for three. 


End file.
